21

My sister Avery turned 21 last week.  To celebrate, we all went to dinner (by "all," I mean she, my parents, my husband and I, and her boyfriend) downtown.  As far as family outings are concerned, this was one of the best in recent history.  We all enjoyed each others company, and just had a really nice time.  At least... that is my take on things!

Ave opening her gift

Ave holding her "Jar full of Memories" up to the camera

Avery and Mikey

Avery and Me

Andrew and Me

Mom and Dad

Avery and Blueberry Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting... aka: Possibly the best cake I have EVER tasted!

Verse of the Week

Psalm 16:8

"I keep my eye ALWAYS on the Lord.

With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken."

Best Foot Forward

Andrew and I met went out to dinner with some new friends Saturday night.   Since Andrew and I are relatively new to our church, we do not know many people there yet.  A group of people about our age, and in similar walks of life as us, were kind enough to reach out to us by inviting us to dinner with them so that we could get to know them a bit. 

On the way to the restaurant where we were meeting them, I told Andrew how nervous I was.  I was nervous about my being awkward, or not having much to say, not fitting in... I warned Andrew to be on his best behavior, as he can be a little nutty sometimes (which I love, but I did not want it to catch others who do not know him off guard). 

I think this is what we do when we come before God in prayer sometimes.  We withhold our dirtiness, our realness... the inner most parts of our hearts.  Our fears, our mistakes, even our wounds.  We bring only our best before God.  And God wants our best.  But He also wants our worst.  He wants what He died for, and He died for every part of us... Our talents, our gifts, our passions and desires, our accomplishments.  But He also wants our ugliness, the dark, black places in our heart, the things we are most ashamed of. 

In his book "With Open Hands,"  Henri Nouwen writes of coming before God with unclenched fists... giving absolutely everything to Him.  The first few lines of Nouwen's introduction go like this:

"Praying is no easy matter.  It demands a relationship in which you allow someone other than yourself to enter into the very center of your person, to see there what you would rather leave in darkness, and to touch there what you would rather leave untouched."

This is hard.  This is hard for me.  I am a Type-A personality, tending toward introversion, perfectionism, and a controlling spirit.  Why would I ever intentionally expose the ugly places in my life and heart... intentionally?!

Nouwen closes his introduction with this prayer.  

Dear God,

I am so afraid to open my clenched fists!

Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold onto?

Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands?

Please help me to gradually open my hands

and to discover that I am not what I own,

but what you want to give me.

And what you want to give me is love-

unconditional, everlasting love.

Amen.