Good Parents... Bad Kids

Well, I had my first class as a graduate student today. It was fun! Here is a quick snapshot of what we talked about:



Although there were some things that Dr. Friedman said that I disagree with, overall, I agree with his theory. I do not believe that children are, "born good until proven otherwise." Adversely, I believe that we are all naturally selfish creatures. I believe that we would all stay selfish creatures without the hand of God moving in our lives, and without His salvation. As we mentioned briefly in class today, children are born with certain traits and tendencies that may not be altered by the environment. The environment has power to shape and mold to some extent; however, as Dr. Friedman stated, it is not all powerful. And just as good parents can have children who behave badly as children, and even grow up into adults who behave badly, poor parents can have children who learn to make responsible life choices, and turn out well. One caller during the interview spoke about her bad relationship with her mother. The two had a bad relationship while Jill was growing up, and they still have a bad relationship even though Jill is now an adult. Jill brought up the idea that sometimes parents and their children, "just don't hit it off." I agree with this. We cannot pick our families, and maybe some children have parents, or a particular parent, whom, if given the choice, they would not have picked. Similarly, maybe parents have a child whose personality truly clashes with their own. To a parent and/or child living this situation, Dr. Friedman's theory would be a relief. It would give them the encouragement that it is not necessarily anyone's fault. There may not necessarily be anything wrong with the child, or with the parent. How these personality clashes are handled is possibly a different story altogether. My mother and sister have dealt with this issue since my sister's birth twenty years ago. The two just do not naturally get along necessarily.  Their personalities clash more than they mesh.  After years of struggle, they have learned to work through that, and to have a relationship in spite of that. There is nothing the matter with my sister; nor is there anything wrong with my mother. My mom and sister love each other.  My mom would literally do anything for Avery.  She would give her life for her, and in many ways, she has done just that.  Even my sister would say that my mom is a good mom. My mom has been exasperated with my sister, and with behaviors that my sister has displayed (and I'm sure the feelings go both ways).  Hearing this interview would encourage my mom, and remind her that a parent is responsible TO a child. They should be committed to being as good of a parent as they can be; however, a parent cannot be 100% responsible FOR their child's personality, choices, or behaviors.