Five Down... How Many to Go???

It has been five days since Andrew left, and crazy as it sounds, I feel like I am a completely different person than I was five days ago.  God has used the past week and a half to teach me SO MUCH. 

For as long as I can remember, my life has been perfect.  Even during times of personal or familial struggle, when my reality has been far from perfect, others' perceptions of my reality have been that it is perfect.  My dad is a dentist; therefore, we must have money to spare.  My family attends church, and we are all Christians; therefore, we must love each other perfectly and treat each other perfectly all the time.  We must not have issues or arguments or hardships.  That has been the perception. 

Because of that, and probably because of my natural tenancy toward introversion, any time I have had any sort of struggle, I have fought internally; my struggles have always been kept private.  And had it been up to me, I probably would not have shared with anyone that I found out Andrew was leaving.  In fact, I did not share that news with anyone outside my family.  Andrew did.  He had been planning a birthday party for me that was originally scheduled to take place this weekend.  When Andrew received his orders for active duty, he immediately sent out an email to all the friends he had invited to the party, explaining that it was canceled, and also explaining why.  Andrew then emailed the church softball team he plays on, and explained that he would not be at any of the season's remaining games, because he would be leaving immediately for active duty.

Since Andrew let so many people know what was going on, and word travels quickly, I have had SO many people reach out to offer their support. Never before have people acknowledged my struggle; never have they offered to share in that struggle with me. For one of the first times in my life, I am a member of a church body that truly loves and cares about me.  I did not even realize that until the past week.  And I certainly did not realize what was missing in going all those years without having that.

Not one day has gone by that I have not received a phone call, text, or email from a friend offering encouragement.  Had Andrew left for this training six months ago, I would not have been involved enough in the church to have a support system there.  In that sense, the timing of all of this is such a God thing.  God is teaching me that it is okay to need people.  And it is okay to be sad.  Not only is it okay to be sad, but it is okay to let people who love you know you are sad.  Had Andrew not told people what was going on, I probably would not have either; they never would have known a thing.  When they ask me how I am doing, I would probably say, "I am just fine.  What about you?"  But since he reached out to others, and entrusted them with what was going on in our lives, they have approached me and asked me, "How are you holding up?"  "Please let us know if there is anything we can do."  The people God has placed in my life have almost forced me to outwardly recognize and verbalize my experience, my heartache, and my struggle.... in a good way; in a therapeutic way; in a way that I have never before experienced. I have had more lunch and dinner invitations over the past week than I know what to do with (or that I could afford)!  And it feels SO GOOD to be cared about, and to know that you are cared about. 

Melody Beattie, who helped develop the 12-step recovery program curriculum, and has also written several books on recovery from codependency, said this: 

"God is there, always ready to help.  There is an ample supply of people to care about us too.  We will, if we want it, receive love and support, comfort and nurturing.  If we take the risk to ask for it, help is there... We aren't alone.  And we don't have to do it ourselves. We're not doing it ourselves.  There is no shortage on love..." 

She then goes on to pray this prayer: 

"Today, God, help me let go of my need to do it alone and my belief that I am alone.  Help me tape into Your Divine Power and Presence, and Your resources for love, support, and friendship.  Open my eyes and heart so I can see the love, help, and support that's there for me.  Help me know I am loved. " 

-Melody Beattie in The Language of Letting Go